April 4, 2019

It's The Climb

Hello, it's me again... trying to string together my many thoughts into readable sentences. This always happens, I have a million ideas on a single subject I really want to write it all out about... and I get overwhelmed and all my ideas drown out each other until all your hear is silence. 

The opportunity passes, and I'm left with ideas like "Top 10 Lip Products You Need This Spring" or "My Beauty Bucket List" and I miss the hard stuff. The opportunity to write about what's on my heart instead of what's in my shopping cart.

Well, Not Today Satan... I proudly think to myself as I type... today I am going to be courageous. (LOL, could I be more dramatic? Can you tell I've been listening to Rachel Hollis as I drive back and forth to work via audible? I can practically hear her voice as I think inside my head.)

You aren't supposed to admit this, but I'm often embarrassed of my blog. I'm ashamed I don't have 5,000 followers on instagram, that people aren't asking me what shade of lipstick I have on in my photos. or that I don't have an impressive amount of people knocking down my doors to start a weekly newsletter via email. I see people who I get inspired by and look up to- even hope that I'll reach their level one day... only to see their post of their blog turning one year old. I look at my "EST 2013" and my stats and want to crawl in a hole and stuff my face with Ben and Jerrys. This happens way more than I'd like to admit too- but I want to real and transparent about my struggles.

There are days I feel inadequate because of my social media presence, and as twisted as I know that statement is... that doesn't make it any less true.

The thing is, I'm not my follower count, my Pinterest views, or anyone else. I am me: I love when the sun feels like a hug, chips and guac, and helping others. I am making my worth dependent on someones highlight reel: and while statistics are truth and grounded in fact... they can't limit you. You aren't what a screen tells you that you are. Cheesy as it is, you can honestly be anything you want to be.

I should be proud of LookBrooke, not because of my views or following- but because of my growth. If you got further down, the site now shows you similar posts like the one you're reading. Often they're some of my first posts. The photos are eyesores, they look like they were drawn up from the imagination of a six year old, and they're some of my proudest work to date because I was PASSIONATE. Blogging was fun, it wasn't something I ended up taking myself way too seriously about. I was just being me, and that's all blogging needs to be.

I want you to read this with coffee or wine in hand and feel like we're catching up on each others lives. This isn't about me, my pride, or my insecurities. This is about interests and loving both myself and others enough to be transparent and completely myself.

I know God isn't finished with me yet, and when I hit a new mile marker- I'll one day be cringing at the site of those posts too.


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