Most of my life I've been in a rush to get to the next stage. Rather it was out of fear or embarrassment, excitement for what's ahead, or just plain discontentment in my current season of life... day dreaming is a concept I know well. Arguably too well. I've been told my head is too into the clouds and that I basically am like a real life Disney princess...
I'm impatient, anyone who knows me well knows that's a fact. You know that scene in Bridewars when Liv runs into her boyfriend's office screaming and demanding why he can't ask her to marry him already. That's my life, on the inside I'm ready to have a panic attack at a moments notice.
I can see it now: I show up innocently holding a pumpkin. I smash it into the grown while screaming like an actual mad woman, ASK ME OUT BEFORE I TURN INTO A PUMPKIN. *dramatically falls to the ground and sighs heavily*
That's me in a nutshell.
Great now I sound crazy, you're ready to click that red x in a hurried panic, and I just word vomited all over my little corner of the internet. Before you think I actually go around screaming and smashing pumpkins, I totally don't.. :) I'm just a tad bit dramatic...
I half blame Disney movies (I'm a giant Disney princess fan) and I have a theory that I like to call the Ariel principle. She had three days to make Prince Eric fall for her (AND IT WORKED??) so basically I give myself three days for anything until I'm discouraged.
Okay that's a bit of an exaggeration because I know things take time and you work hard for what you want.
Here is what I realized lately though, none of this matters Brooke- get out of your own head (!!!) Life is so much more than those defining moments, getting what we want, or feeling like we will never amount to those things we wanted to do or be. Life is about taking the time to enjoy the ride, to lean on God when you feel like you might break down and start acting like a two year old in the middle of a beach... life is about embracing the wait.
I admit for a couple of days I was wrinkling my nose like a four year old being forced to eat broccoli because all my life I put off learning patience. I mean this is embarrassing to admit, but I would strategically word my prayers so I would never ask for patience (yes, I can be that stubborn) I heard the horror stories you wait in agony for days, weeks, sometimes years. I thought I was going to be kicking and scratching my entire way through this lesson, and I know it's only the beginning- but I feel oddly comforted. I wake up eager to figure out what I'll learn for the day and I can't wait to open my journal and talk to God.
Yesterday I was overwhelmed and burnt out and was journal-ing a prayer out to God when I felt him speak to me (and it was incredible, it was the first time in a long time I felt like I was slowly figuring out life) and he whispered to me "You wait Brooke, that's all you do,"
So here is where I am now, waiting and trying to learn all I can. I'm not one to give up hope easily, so I am embracing the hope to learn and the hope to become patient. Let's see what happens...
I will leave this post with this quote from a Proverbs 31 devotional "Embrace The Wait"
God steps in to be our portion for that day. He is in the wait and we'll sense that if only we will look for Him rather then always looking ahead to the next stage of life.
May we embrace the wait and be strong together