Hi. It's me again, too vulnerable for comfort Brooke. The real, unapologetic Brooke who might wake up and regret everything she just wrote down on here but this isn't really about me, it's about what I'm learning as I navigate this crazy thing called my life...
"I just wanted her to like me..." I hazily remember sobbing in front (possibly on?) a poor guy I had met for the second time, and I for the life of me can't remember how we got on this conversation. Yet, there I was sobbing over the fact that I just wanted to be accepted by a certain unnamed department chair. That's what life comes down to, we all want to be liked. We want to be appealing to the person working at our favorite clothing store who always dresses better than us, noticed by the person who seemingly could make or break your career, aspire to be on the same "level" as those we look up to in the blogging world, and honestly that list can go on and on for every single person. Even those that seem to have their life together.
Here's the problem I spent so much time wanting to be adored, loved, and feel worthy by basically everything else around me I forgot that I was, is, and will be loved. Not only did God send down his only son to die on the cross for our own stupid every single day sins, He pursues us every single day after that. Yet here I was basically whining a good 50% of the time, wallowing in self pity because my life didn't turn out the way I wanted it. I won't lie, I still get this way and have to check myself before I wreck myself as the saying goes. Embarrassing. Selfish. That's the real wake-up call.
Here's the beauty in it all though, the story doesn't end there and life is beautiful despite the ups and downs. I may sound like an inspirational quote found via pinterest, but when you take the time to breathe and truly focus on what God might be trying to say... each experience is rather freeing. I mentioned in a previous post back in the beginning of February, I mentioned how I have so much hope in the future and that I hoped you did too, because you should. I also went on to say how a timeline helps you reach that decision. If you know me well enough I love timelines, I am the worlds biggest sucker for timelines. I used to tear up at the sight of timelines from bloggers when they talked about their own personal love stories (which happens to be another one of my favorite things). If you keep a journal, have a piece of paper handy, or heck grab that paper towel from the kitchen and get doodling. The most significant moment from my life was when I woke up and realized I had no plan for my life and no clue what I was going to study in college etc. That's where my specific timeline starts, when I made the timeline I realized how many snowball avalanche life decisions and opportunities happened because of that one "failure". It opened the door for more real, honest friendships. I ran closer to God because honestly what else was there to do? I started focusing on LookBrooke more and growing it to what it is today, I remember having 5 followers on bloglovin... now I have 70 some and it's incredible to think how this little space wouldn't truly be mine if I hadn't needed that creative outlet. I got to cry my eyes out in front on practically a stranger because they wouldn't have been visiting me in October if I hadn't failed because I wouldn't have even been there! (That's really not timeline worthy... it's just the truth and proves a point: I wouldn't have even been there.) These past about seven months I have met some of the most amazing people who I am so insanely lucky to call my friends (shout out to those lovely people in Jersey), God has a plan that I still don't see. These opportunities though, I wouldn't be enjoying them to their highest potential if I wasn't living life in the "present tense."
No matter the dreams that seem trashed, the dreams that are still ahead of us, or the fact that we don't even know what dreams we should be dreaming... "Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living." We all have one shared common goal, and it's to feel loved. So get out that pen and paper and realize that your timeline isn't yet done. God loves us so much he's creating these intricate stories that we get to call our life.
"Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."- Passion and Purity