Sunday, February 7, 2016
It's The Little Things
Sunday, February 7, 2016
As I'm sitting on the couch (my phone all the way in the other room and the tv amped up so I don't hear it ding when it inevitably does.), alternating between a chapter of #GIRLBOSS and leaving comments on blogs... I realize one thing: I NEED TO BREATHE. I am about as amped up as a person at their favorite concert who just chugged about four redbulls. I once had a friend in highschool who became crazy hyper on redbull, I feel like her... my heart is racing, my mind is running, and I'm practically shaking. I'm driving myself mad because I'm waiting for a text that will inevitably be something similar to "lol i'd rather choke on my own vomit than hangout with you" because that's what your mind does when you sit on something too long. I personally am ADHD, and to battle that I feel as though my mind overthinks every possible action I do or is done in order to keep it focused.
The next thing you know you're imagining every possible scenario that could be going on right now: That's right the crazy in your brain has decided to go full throttle like you're Olivia on The Bachelor when she keeps talking about the secret communication her and Ben have.... And just like that, you can breathe because it dinged and the message didn't include any knife emojis or anything resembling he was gonna puke at the sight of your face. In fact it even is a blushy face emoji, so you can calmly and dramatically belt out Let It Go and move on with your life... that is until you send the reply text and it starts all over again.
I CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS ANYMORE.
It's time to focus on something good, channel my nervous energy into something worthwhile. Sip that coffee and breathe. I can't be the only one staring at their phone, ready to go crazy overthinking the fact he didn't use an exclamation mark or used the word "oh." THIS NEEDS TO STOP.
So I apologize for the long introduction but I knew what I needed to do and what maybe you need to in the comments below or in a journal at your house... I'm focusing on the little things: those that make me happy and that I am thankful for.
1. God's Plan. I have no clue what I'm doing with my life, as I have made that abundantly clear lately in my blog posts. I however, have so much hope in the future and I hope you do too, because you should. I won't pretend to know the direction he has for my life and what's about to form before my eyes... but I love seeing God's hand in things later on. Like when I failed my sophomore hearing, there have been so many other opportunities that only happened because I failed. I was constantly switched schools and moved to new places... and each lead me to spiritual growth, lasting friendships, and lead me closer to knowing myself a little more as well. Sometime make a timeline of important events, it will change the way you view your life. (I will post more about this later...)
2. Friendship. I have no clue where I'd be without the support system I have in my friends. Rather they're a few hours away or half way across the country, they always have time to listen to my not so big problems and treat them as huge as they are in my little mind. They're the ones who hear me say oh my gosh I haven't even received a snapchat from him so like what does that even mean? It means we're done, he hates me and is currently too busy day dreaming about killing me and that's why he can't snap me (logical, I know...) (Shout out to L and S who daily here me complain about the same boy over and over and then two hours later get a lol jk everythings fine, I'm crazy text. But who will always give me the same advice for the 85474764th time and act like it's the first.) Then when an actual problem comes up, they are there with a lending hand, talked-off ears, and hugs if in person. There's something special about a bond between friends: they've seen you at your absolute worse (super drunk, with meds in your stomach.. screaming how you hate them for absolutely no reason) and they love you unconditionally. (Shout out to J. You will forever be my best friend and the person who I know will always have my back.) They're the ones who, when you suddenly move away, will send you messages flooded with I miss you, come back, but this is your home. I grew up wanting friends desperately in the summer and it wasn't until I was a legal adult that I found them... but it was well worth the wait. (To my three favorite beach taggers, thanks for making Jersey home and for loving me despite the many flaws that you inevitably saw.) They'll look at you with love and complete non-judgment when you tell them (or in some cases are told without your knowledge) the shameful things done spur of the moment. They'll proudly hold your hand as you remember you did indeed walk into that boys bathroom when you went to hide from your crush at the bar last night. (Thanks M for never judging me on anything I do. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I could tell you anything and you'd still look at me the same.) They also love you enough to tell you when the guy you are madly in love with, developing feelings for, or like to look at from a far is a complete a total asshole and not worth your time. (Shout out to uhhh all my friends, who took the time to truly sit me down and tell me why I deserved more, who also never rubbed it in when I came crying to them when I wouldn't listen. And to M (pt2) who isn't afraid to hurt my feelings and tell me the current boy is an ass and I need to come home rn, even though I'm sure she knows I won't listen..)
3. Coffee and Journaling Mornings. Honestly, there is little I love more than sitting down and journaling. Now I admit Gone Girl, made me feel a little creepy that I like to account everything in a journal so I can look back on (and most likely squirm over some of my past decisions) things I did. I am a huge fan of timelines, like I love them. I love the idea that I can go back and read how I felt during specific moments and I have the dates written down for the future. I like that when I meet that special guy, I will have how I felt during that first kiss... first date... It's one of those I'll thank myself later things. I want to have the ability to remember everything that lead up to certain moments which then lead to me being who I am. I don't know if many others feel this way, but it's always been a thing for me. I also think it helps you be honest with yourself, it's that secret part of your heart you can write down how you really feel. You can admit to yourself, crap you do have feelings and then proceed to burry them deep inside because no way are you going to be that stupid...
4. Lynchy. Oh my little hometown, have you ever had a place that you seemed to try so hard to run from... yet you keep coming back to it? That's Lynchburg, but now I am trying to run to it. Ironic, right? That little piece of Virginia brought me some of my best friends: the kind that don't judge you for your terrible taste in men, the kind that will lead you back to the Lord when you're loosing your way... the kind that picked me up when I was down. We moved away from Lynchburg when I was three years old, and growing up every single weekend my parents would drive there and look at houses. My early childhood consisted of looking around every inch of Lynchburg and knowing their houses like the back of my hand. When I was 12, we moved back to Lynchburg and I detested it. I decided my life was over before it ever really began (a little melodramatic, am I not?). Ironically, Lynchburg has been a huge part of my entire families life. It's where my parents went, it's where I called home, it's where I went to both high school and college, and somehow it's where I keep running back to. So thank you little city for building me into who I am today, a hot mess of a believer with a rambling mouth who hopefully helps someone someday. :)
5. #GIRLBOSS. I had the book for a total of about five hours and I was ready to take on the world. I remember not being able to sleep because I was too into the book, not wanting to put it down for anything. If you need a jumpstart of inspiration, feeling down that your "story" isn't the typical cookie cutter story leading to success, or just need a new book to cross off that reading list for 2016... then I suggest you run to your nearest Target and stock up. The best decision I made was adding this to my Target cart along with some chapstick and a diet coke (thriving???)
So maybe you're driving yourself crazy trying to convince yourself you most likely do not have feelings for that idiot of a boy (even though you're pretty sure having a dream he's singing I See the Light from Tangled and getting down on one knee asking if you'd be his girlfriend... might be the warning signs are you're catching feelings..)...
trying not to overthink every text message possible that is getting sent to your phone (yay, ok means YAY OKAY not he secretly is waiting to kill you when you arrive at his house. Chill girl, chill...
or you just ran across this crazy blog and are thinking dang this Brooke chick has problems... I hope the focus on the positive and things that make you happy post has paid off. We all need to let go and see the world for being brighter than we're willing to make it seem. :)