October 16, 2014

Turn The Page? Close The Book?

I have had a lot of time reflecting on what my life has been so far… what my 21 years on earth has achieved. Has it made the world a better place? Have I at least positively affected those I come in contact with? Have I learned anything? Do I have regrets, or more importantly should regrets even be in a persons vocabulary. 

I recently adopted the life motto of "no regrets" not because it's the in thing to do, not because it seemed right, but because what did regrets ever do for me or my life? Regrets shouldn't be in a persons vocabulary, there is no reason to regret anything I have done or will do in the future. At my college for your major there was a huge test in which you only got three tries, if they didn't pass you by the third attempt you had to pick a new major. During my last try the last question I was asked was, "This is your last attempt. You have failed twice so far and yet you still come in being as happy as can be, why?" I can't exactly remember how I answered that in the moment and looking back on that question I sort of want to cry. 

The thing is, life knocks you down. Exactly a year ago I was reading play after play wrapping my head around ideas and seeing if certain characters fit my "mold." I had what seemed like the whole world ahead of me, my joy and determination weren't knocked down at all. In fact I think my confidence somehow went up. I had two more tries, and an infinite amount else where I would tell myself. Currently, I am sitting on my sisters bed about to go for a run to blow off steam. My circumstance has changed, I don't have two more tries… I have none. I am not currently seeking characters that fit my "mold" I am just trying to get by day by day. Regrets? It's still not something I have. I was happy because it was something I loved- heck, it's still something I love. I gave it my all and pushed through the doubts and tried. That's all I could do, was try. 

I think it's a lot like dating, you find a cute guy… you hit it off. You go on a few dates and ultimately by the third it just isn't working between the two of you. There's nothing wrong with him, it just isn't a good fit. He belongs with someone who is not you and you can tell He isn't made for you either. That doesn't mean we won't ever date again or find the very one we're meant to be with. It just means at that period of time, it was what you needed… but not what you need now or forever. 

If there is one thing I have learned, school success does not define you. Your major does not define you. What four people out of all the people in the world think of you does not define you. You define yourself by your will to keep going, your optimism, and your passions. 

For me, it's not so much closing the book as it is a whole new chapter. It's time to be thankful for what I had on this ride that was my past three years of college learning Meisner, Theatre History, and Stanislavski. I saw more in myself then I knew I had. It's time to say goodbye and turn the page… to a whole new chapter of life that will be even greater than before. Life is a real marvelous thing, all these events creating who you are today. I can't wait to see who I shall be a year from now.

2 comments so far

  1. When I first started college I was a theatre major. It killed me and it still kills me to let that go and realize that there are other things I want to do with my life. Theatre has always held a special place in my heart, but I know that I'm more interested in Journalism and Political Science as a career path. I hope that this new chapter is good for you. I wish you the best of luck with all of your future endeavors.

    1. Thank you so much!! I know that no matter what does happen, theatre shall always hold a special place in my heart as well!


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